If dogs could speak...
Sunday, January 29, 2006
Meow I help you?A Japanese design firm is offering for sale or lease a robot receptionist -- the cost is 50000 yen or about US $425 per month, which they claim is 1/6 the cost of a human receptionist. If you have ever been to Japan, you'd know that the receptionist in many stores is there to just smile, and say "Welcome" when a customer walks in, and "Thank you very much" when he leaves. In Japanese, of course. In busier shops, they have two or three receptionists, and sometimes the store owner and the staff in the back also chime in, so you get "Welcome" in stereo, with Dolby 5.1 clarity. Quite impressive I think. And they do this with a lot more enthusiasm than an Alaska Airlines flight attendant greeting you onboard. Hundreds of times a day if they must.
So the requirements for a Japanese receptionist are tough. How do you clone a smile that says nothing of substance but appears pleasant and comforting all day long? The obvious answer is a cat. In this case it's a plastic cat, but they probably could have used a live cat with the same cheap effect. The company, Business Design Laboratory, came up with a Hello Kitty Robo, modeled after that well known Hello Kitty cat that is so loved by Japanese kids and adults alike, for reasons I will never understand.
You can go to their web page to learn more about the cat's personality (she loves baking cookies and her most prized possession is an album full of memories, just like Miss Universe, but she didn't say that she wants to help the children of the world). You can also hear short snippets of her voice. Turn the speakers down though -- she sounds shrill even for a cat, and she says things like "I can't wait to come to your home and talk with you." Whoa there, helloooo Kitty. There is also a whole page on how she displays her emotions by turning her head, raising her arms, or flashing her whiskers. Go ahead, try it, you can spend hours engaging Kitty in a very illuminating conversation. Just be careful -- she might know shorthand.
For me, I don't know. There is always this dog-cat rivalry thing. I might get in trouble for attacking her the first time she meows at me. I think I'd prefer something more like a Walmart greeter.
- posted by Woofwoof @ 6:05 AM 3 comments
Saturday, January 28, 2006
What do you think you are, a dog?
Click on cartoon for larger view
Sometimes people try too hard to be like dogs, even when they know they don't come close as a species. Last Sunday in New York City, a group that calls themselves Improv Everywhere organized their fifth annual No Pants subway ride. The idea was to bring together 160 participants on the No. 6 train at 5 pm, and have them all drop their pants down to their underwear. Just for fun.
Now a few things about the group which was founded in 2001. First the "Improv" in the group's name is short for "Improvise," not "Improve" as some might think. On their web page, the group slogan is "We Cause Scenes" and they say they believe in having organized fun, making people laugh, and generally bringing excitement, chaos and joy to otherwise boring locales, and giving strangers a story they can tell for the rest of their lives. Why they are based in NYC I don't know -- it seems to me that places like Nebraska and South Dakota might need their help a bit more than the Big Apple. Aside from No-Pants events, they also do things like suddenly gather in very large numbers in a public place, and disappearing just as suddenly. Now you see them and now you don't. But, I digress.
Back in New York, the subway police were not impressed this time. One cop saw 160 naked butts and freaked out, and called for reinforcement. Then 25 more cops (including one named Panton) arrived to put the fun back into trousers. After the pandemonium, police finally won the Battle of the Little Bulge. Eight performers were arrested, handcuffed and issued summons for disorderly conduct. It will be interesting when their cases come up in court and police have to present the evidence -- Your Honor, Officer Panton will testify under oath that the defendant is a sorry-ass troublemaker.
- posted by Woofwoof @ 6:15 AM 5 comments
Sunday, January 22, 2006
It's all downhil from hereWithout a doubt, the Japanese have many customs and traditions that seem weird to us, for example cheese fighting and bull sumo. But now I wonder if there isn't something very practical in what they do, and perhaps we should start copying them.
A case in point is an annual event held in mid-January in the city of Tokamachi in Western Japan, a place known for its heavy snow and its exquisite rice and soba noodles. In this winter celebration at the Matsunoyama Hot Spring resort, two recently married men first get their faces painted with ink by other jealous single men, and then are thrown down a 15-foot snow-covered slope. Afterward the participants cover each other's faces with snow mixed with ash from a bonfire, in hopes of health and prosperity.
The tradition supposedly was started a long time ago by a man who saw his girl stolen by another guy, so he organized the face-painting and hurling event as a sort of revenge. More pictures and videos here. Just click randomly until you find the right links -- it's bad enough that you read my blog, I am not going to ask you to learn Japanese too.
In the interest of fairness, maybe there are a few things the Japanese should learn from us in exchange. First of all, revenge by face painting and snow tossing is for wimps -- come on, be a real man and go grab a gun, or at least a baseball bat and whack the other guy's kneecaps. Second, according to this Japanese tradition, the new grooms are pushed down the slope by other local people while their wives wait for them at the bottom of the slide. I think the wives should do the pushing -- and prepare the men for a lifetime of proper respect and learning.
- posted by Woofwoof @ 6:35 AM 4 comments
Saturday, January 21, 2006
Shop Here, But Don't Drop HereSatellite map services like Google Earth and Windows Live Local are adding a new dimension to advertising. We already have store signs, sale banners, highway billboards and the Goodyear blimp. The latest creations are rooftop signs -- not signs mounted on the top of buildings but corporate logos painted directly on roofs to be seen in satellite map photos.
One example is a Target store in Rosemont, Illinois, that has the well-known red and white bull's-eye logo painted on the roof over the entire store. Since it lies on the flight paths to Chicago O'Hare International Airport, it's guaranteed to catch a lot of eyeball attention, which after all, is exactly what advertisers are looking for.
So if you are one of the rich and famous who goes shopping by personal jet, or an alien space traveller who forgot to pack your toothbrush and needs to buy one, this is an easy way to help you find the store. In the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, we could add a simple note to follow Interstate 90 West, then turn North on Higgins Road, go 2 miles and look for the sign. Pretty nifty concept. Or if you are gift-bearing Santa Claus who somehow misses my house, I'll be happy to paint milk and cookies on my roof for you. Just don't be an Air Force pilot on a bombing practice run.
- posted by Woofwoof @ 6:39 AM 3 comments
Sunday, January 15, 2006
Mother-In-Law NatureIt's raining again today, and I think there is enough evidence to declare that this 2005-06 winter weather sucks. That is according to the official definition of "sucks," as opposed to "blows" and other advanced meteorological concepts. Oh I know it's only mid-January, and it's nowhere nearly as wet here as in Seattle (27 straight days of rain and counting), or Ketchikan, Alaska (over 200 inches of rain in a year). And I know there are places in Texas, Colorado and Oklahoma that are suffering from drought and fire, and can only wish they had some of our water.
But we live in California, and we pay for the privilege of perfect weather, 75 degrees and vast cloudless blue skies supposedly year round. Water should come only in aqueducts and plastic bottles. Or in the form of snow, something a dog can play in. It's pathetic to watch dogs tiptoe on the grass to find a relatively dry spot to poop (it's always drier on the other side of the fence, I tell them, especially under the neighbor's porch).
Every weekend for the past month, I've had to clean leaves out of the gutters (this is where the "weather blows" part comes in). And pick up dozens of palm fronds scattered on the lawn (fronds are those gigantic leaves of palm trees). Now one thing about palm trees. Perhaps they do capture the warm beauty of California, elegantly gracing Hollywood Boulevard, but that's from a distance. Up close they are as ugly and droopy as an actress without make-up, especially when they are planted in postage stamp gardens as found in most new homes around here. All you see is the huge tree trunk, and the swaying fronds are a hundred feet up out of sight, big and clumsy and ready to drop each time a strong wind blows. Palm trees officially suck.
The only good thing I can find in all this messy weather is that although it's been raining cats and dogs, I haven't seen any felines dropping in on my house. Yet.
- posted by Woofwoof @ 6:24 AM 10 comments
Saturday, January 14, 2006
Doggie Heaven2006 being Year of the Dog, I've been wishing for, among other things, fire hydrants every quarter mile. When dogs have to go, dogs have to go. I never really thought that would come true, since fire hydrants have been disappearing faster than rotary phones and highway call boxes, or clothing off Paris Hilton.
Yesterday on my way to work I drove past an industrial park where they were putting down new concrete sidewalks. It was difficult to believe but along several streets, there had to be new fire hydrants no further than every 200 feet. A good part of the area was still empty land or unoccupied buildings, and it was hard to imagine a reason for so many hydrants. Maybe someone forgot to tell us that our canine petition has been granted.
No matter what, it was a beautiful sight to behold. Row upon row of bright yellow fire hydrants so inviting that I thought of getting out of the car to christen them. This one is for Rover, that one is for Max, and KalKan after that, and the rest is mine, all mine mine mine.
- posted by Woofwoof @ 6:32 AM 7 comments
Sunday, January 08, 2006
Biggest sale EVERIn April I wrote about a store in Fremont, CA (about 10 miles from San Jose) that was shrinking by half. Normally that wouldn't be big news, but Tri-City claimed at one time to be the largest sporting goods store in the world -- there was a sign outside the store saying so, so it must be true. They occupied two large buildings side by side, a total of 200,000 sq ft or about four football fields, and they were definitely big. They sold all sorts of things, for popular American sports like football, baseball and basketball, but also for sports played more commonly in European and Asian countries, like ping-pong, badminton and in-line skating. I looked there once, but there was nothing for dog sledding. Maybe that was their biggest problem.
A few years ago they added patio furniture and garden furnishings such as large water fountains to the business, and their web site logo was changed to "World's Largest Sporting Goods and Patio Furniture Store." They could be the only such store anywhere, but why argue. In April, they dropped out of the furniture business, and closed one of the buildings which was promptly demolished to make room for some other construction which is still continuing today. At that time the sign at the entrance was shortened to simply "Tri-City." I didn't go in but as far as I knew, they could be selling Chinese take-out food inside.
I drove by the store yesterday, and there was a new big sign this time, "Sale - Going Out Of Business." It didn't say, but I wonder if it's the world's biggest sale. I'll have to come back and snap a few pictures -- I mean, how often do you get to witness such a momentous event?
I am worried for Fremont's reputation now. This store was one of Fremont's few claims to fame, the other claims being that figure skating champion Kristi Yamaguchi grew up there, and that the city was designated the healthiest city in the US by a men's health magazine a few years ago. Hardly exciting stuff. I am thinking that somebody should go there and open the World's Largest Cuckoo Clock and Garden Fertilizer Store. It doesn't need to be very big, but I bet it's never been done before.
- posted by Woofwoof @ 8:06 AM 5 comments
Saturday, January 07, 2006
The Anti-AntI have an ant problem, or rather, I had an ant problem. It started last year during the rainy season -- otherwise known as California winter. One day a bunch of ants appeared in one of the bathrooms, most of them going in a line from one crack in the wall behind the sink to another crack next to the bathtub, but there were also many that were just scouting randomly around the floor. That drove me nuts. It felt like taking a shower with thousands watching, without paying.
I used some caulk to fill the holes but they'd just pop out of another hole. I put down double-sided tape to block their path, but except for a few dumb ones that got stuck, the ants just went up and around the tape. Home Depot had some expensive bait -- it was basically a plastic ant take-out restaurant with an entry and an exit. Inside was the bait which the ants were supposed to grab and take home, and poison their entire colony. Ingenious idea, except that it didn't work. Maybe the bait didn't appeal to them, or maybe the contraption was too slippery, but they refused to go in, even after I added sugar to literally sweeten the pot. That went on for about two weeks. Then I came home one day to find a procession of ants from the bathroom across the living room carpet to the garage. The next morning they were gone. I didn't know where they went, but it didn't matter. The ants were gone!
They came back this year, just after Christmas when it rained almost every day for a week straight, and they showed up in the thousands in both bathrooms. Enough was enough. This called for firm action. That meant going to the Internet, that vast repository of all of mankind's knowledge. Quite a few sites suggested using borax as an all-natural ant remedy. It sounded too weird and I always thought these home solutions to be of dubious value. But then powerful sounding commercial stuff hasn't worked, so I was willing to try almost anything.
The borax was a cheap bluish powder you can find at Home Depot, next to the pest control poisons. I mixed a small amount with some sugar, added warm water to dissolve it, and placed empty yogurt cups with this liquid inside along the ant paths. The short story is that it worked beautifully. A few of the ants drowned, but most of them must have carried the stuff back to their nests and killed the rest. I don't know if their heads exploded or if they died quietly, but it was a truly miraculous result. Within three days, there were only a few random ants left, and after a week, they had all disappeared. Better than Raid, better than Combat and caulk and double-sided tape.
I know now, to never doubt the power of the Internet ever again.
- posted by Woofwoof @ 8:09 AM 8 comments
Monday, January 02, 2006
1-800-CAT-WORKOK, fair is fair. Occasionally a cat will do something amazing -- truly amazing, and not amazing because we expect so little of that sub-species. When owner Gary Rosheisen of Columbus, Ohio, fell out of his wheelchair on Thursday night and couldn't get back up because of osteoporosis, his cat apparently dialed 911 and brought police to the home.
When the emergency call came through but there was no one on the line, police went over to his apartment to check things out and found Rosheisen on the floor near his bed, and his cat Tommy lying by the phone in the living room. Rosheisen said that he got the cat three years ago and has tried to train him to call 911, but he wasn't sure if the training took. It appears that the cat did remember, and decided to jump to the rescue at the moment of crisis.
I have to admit that this is a pretty cool story. Although if it had been a dog, we probably would have given the man CPR (the dog breath alone would wake him up), or if we had to call 911, we would have stayed on the phone and explained the exact situation to the police. But that's because dogs are obviously superior to cats.
Now it does seem that cats can do a lot more when they want to -- maybe these freeloaders have been pretending to be totally dumb, feeble and helpless (not a major stretch for them), just to get out of doing things and earning their keep. From now on, we should train them to be guard cats, seeing eye cats, sled cats, police cats, bomb-sniffing cats (haha I like that), etc. so we dogs can get some rest and have more time for blogging.
- posted by Woofwoof @ 7:15 AM 6 comments
Sunday, January 01, 2006
This Is My Year2006 is the Year of the Dog, according to the Chinese, the Japanese, the Vietnamese and probably many other people too. And they all have very ancient cultures so they should know what they are talking about. Where they might be wrong is that I think every year should be a dog year, but we are still working on that.
Several things about the Dog from the Chinese Zodiac: The Dog is a giving, compassionate personality. He offers kind words, support and advice to friends and family. He is a listener, always available to lend an ear or a shoulder to a friend in need. Often Dogs know more about their friends than their friends know about them or even themselves! Dogs are incredibly attentive.
Dogs can be a bit overwhelming, due in part to their attentive natures. They can march in and take control of a situation, even when it doesn’t involve them directly. This can lead people to think Dogs are nosy or gossipy, but in reality, he just means well. Money and status don’t matter to the Dog. He is more concerned with the welfare of his family and friends and will do whatever it takes to help them out of a tight squeeze or a rough spot. Once Dogs determine a subject of interest, they usually master that before taking off for a new adventure. They like to finish what they start. They are honest and trustworthy people, ethically strong and morally kept. They make loyal friends and companions.
Dogs are easy to get along with and generally have a ton of friends. They are supportive and calming and make exceptional friends. They don’t hold grudges or bear any bad feelings towards anyone who has treated them respectfully and justly. Dogs are excellent listeners, offering an ear to anyone in need. They are held in high regard by their friends and are loyal, honest friends.
A few things we want during our year: We like raw meat, doesn't matter if it's beef, chicken, sheep, buffalo or kangaroo. We also like soft white bread with peanut butter. And squirrels and opossums to catch and eat -- the baby ones are most tasty. We like long walks on the beach and in the park, off leash of course. We want snowy trails miles and miles long with nothing but pine trees along the way. We like ear scratches and belly rubs after a hard run. We like traveling in SUVs with windows stuck half-open. We want fire hydrants painted bright yellow every quarter mile. And toilet bowls with automatic lid openers and music players -- playing the song "Who Let the Dogs Out?" over and over again. We want a permanent ladder to the top of the backyard shed so we can go up and have a howl chorus and wake everybody up at 3 in the morning, rooster style (Did I say we like to eat roosters?) And finally we prefer large keypads so we can write blogs easier with our big furry paws.
I am sure that the wish list will get longer, but that's a good start. You should all get going now. Oh and where did you put my breakfast kibbles?
- posted by Woofwoof @ 6:55 AM 6 comments
