If dogs could speak...
Monday, November 28, 2005
International JunkI never knew what foreign spam was like, until today. I received the following email from a Denmark address, and now I need someone to translate it. From the message, I would guess that Danish is remarkably similar to English, but not quite the same. I hope their spam has less sodium, and their enhancements have the same power to "renovate between whiles." Please underquote me, I think I'd like that.
Hello,
We acknowledge you for being our customer. Thus, we put wise you of information and renovates between whiles. On the basis of our records it seems probable that you'd like to see a refill. We feel hopeful to underquote you once more a meds' great suite, high-class service and products. If it is all right with you and you plan to make an order or to look over our specials and price-list, please follow the link: [link deleted]
In good faith,
Sale support department
- posted by Woofwoof @ 9:26 PM 3 comments
Sunday, November 27, 2005
Cut out the MiddlemanThe Taiwanese have come up with a new dining concept. There is a one-year old restaurant in Kaohsiung, Taiwan's second largest city, that operates with a bathroom theme -- the name of the restaurant "Marton" sounds similar to "matong" which means toilet in Chinese. You sit on basic commodes (thankfully with the lids closed), and the food arrives in ceramic containers shaped like miniature Asian squat-style toilets. Two large decoration urinals are at the entrance to the dining room.
The most popular dishes are chicken curry and oyster sauce pork loin with chocolate ice cream dessert because, according to the restaurant manager, they look most like the real thing. Ice cream and shaved ice are available in two sizes, number one (small) and number two (large) -- they really do try to preserve the correct order. Coffee is served in western-style toilets, and you can take the cups home as souvenir.
The restaurant is doing so well that they are talking about opening new shops throughout Taiwan. There is no word yet on expansion plans to the US, but that seems like a great way to simplify the food input-output process for those of us still digesting Thanksgiving turkey and pumpkin pie. And I hope the chairs come with seat warmers.
- posted by Woofwoof @ 6:25 AM 4 comments
Saturday, November 26, 2005
Hotel CaliforniaSince we live in California, we get quite a few visits from family and friends, and from assorted "firemen" every year. Family and friends come to see the multi-million-dollar homes (they are astounded by the prices but disappointed in the actual properties), or the Golden Gate bridge (usually the same reaction), or the year-round sunshine and blue skies (worth every penny). Then there are the firemen who are here to "put out fire" -- help with trouble we didn't know we had. Depending on the size of the group and how much roaming freedom they want, they sometimes stay with us, and sometimes stay in various hotels in the area, abundant if not pricey. The firemen, of course, always stay somewhere else where their assistance is most appreciated.
One recent group chose a hotel in Palo Alto, about 30 minutes by car from my dog shed, and the place is called "Hotel California." At first I thought someone was joking, but it is a real bed-and-breakfast inn on a quiet street near Stanford University. Not the Hotel California of Eagles fame though. I saw no mission bell, no captain, no nightman, no champagne on ice. And definitely no mirrors on the ceiling. But it is a small cozy place with fresh-cut flowers in the corridors, original paintings on the wall, and since they get a lot of foreign guests from the university, framed currency of various nations on display in the upstairs lobby area. I saw bills and coins from France, Germany, Switzerland, Iran, China, Thailand, Japan, Korea. Curiously no Canadian money -- maybe they converted to American dollars when we were not paying attention.
You should watch out for the beast, however. It is a disguised as a cute gray cat that runs up and down the hotel stairs, does a lot of friendly meowing and purring, and loves to curl up in your lap. And just as you start feeling comfortable, it suddenly growls and bites hard on your hand. Devious little mutant creature I should have known.
All in all, except for the psycho killer furry monster, a very nice place, and this part is totally true to the song:
Welcome to the Hotel California
Such a lovely place, such a lovely face
There's plenty of room in the Hotel California
Any time of year, you can find it here.
- posted by Woofwoof @ 7:42 AM 2 comments
Thursday, November 24, 2005
Happy GluttonLast weekend Takeru "The Tsunami" Kobayashi won the 2005 Krystal Square Off World Hamburger Eating Championship in Chattanooga, Tennessee by chowing down 67 burgers in just eight minutes. If you'll recall, he is the skinny Japanese dude who's won a string of well-known eating contests, including five consecutive annual Nathan's hot dog eating events, and a steamed dumpling and pork bun feast in Hong Kong this past August.
What sets the Krystal contest apart is that it was not a one- or two-day battle, but the culmination of 11 regional qualifying events that took place throughout the country this fall, so the 15 participants had to eat the same type of hamburgers over and over many times before even getting to the finals. This time, the outcome was not a guaranteed win for Kobayashi like it usually is. Rookie eater Joey Chestnut from San Jose was ahead of Kobayashi through most of the contest, at one point leading by six burgers, but faltered in the last minute and eventually lost by five. "Kobayashi is, without a doubt, the greatest eater ever to live upon planet Earth," said David Baer of the International Federation of Competitive Eating which sanctions more than 80 championships every year. The Tsunami took home the top prize of $10,000 in cash and, I hope, 50 cases of Alka Seltzer.
On a related note, today is Thanksgiving in the US. Whether you plan to have 67 hamburgers or 20 lbs of turkey, I wish you $10,000 worth of happiness with family and friends, including all the dogs (and maybe cats) you love. I already know where my money is going. As is my annual practice, I am turning on the house heat this morning. Everyone will gather around the furnace as we light the pilot, and watch the flame spread around the burner. There will be plenty of oohs and aahs and it will be exciting, just like Black Friday morning at Walmart.
- posted by Woofwoof @ 6:27 AM 11 comments
Sunday, November 20, 2005
News splashToto, Japan's largest manufacturer of bathroom fixtures, has introduced the world's first musical toilet seat. Yes, you read it right, a toilet that sings while you are minding your business in the personal library. The upgrade comes only with the N5A model, the latest addition to Toto's Apricot line of toilet seats with integrated bidets.
The music feature is built into a control panel they call a "Sound Rimocon" which, in addition to managing the various toilet functions (more on that below), can play 16 pre-recorded music tracks, and also has a SD card slot with MP3 support in case you perform better with your own choice of music. Something appropriate for the occasion, like "Blue Water," "Song of the Boatman," or "Let this Mighty River Roll." Not boring elevator Muzak, but personalized bathroom entertainment. Kids may no longer have to learn the usual bathroom pastimes like reading poetry, watching the Ty-D-Bowl man swim, or playing fantasy games with cardboard tubes from empty toilet rolls.
The N5A is definitely a giant advance over the hole-in-the-ground toilet found in many Japan bathrooms not so long ago. Among other amenities are automatic opening and closing of the toilet lid (no wonder Japan has such a low divorce rate), toilet seat heating that can be programmed to warm the seat at pre-determined times (much better than throwing a log in the fireplace when you wake up on a chilly Sunday morning), and waste analyzer capability that allows it to regulate flushing based on the type of output (don't ask me how that works).
Don't get too excited though. Although the N5A was released in Japan early this month and can be retrofitted to just about any old toilet, it is not sold in the US yet, and it's going to cost you a whopping 180,000 yen or about $1500 for the privilege of crapping on Britney Spears. But that alone, I think, is almost worth a trip to Japan.
- posted by Woofwoof @ 9:22 AM 12 comments
Saturday, November 19, 2005
Expensive cardsBack in July, Microsoft sued Google and Kai-Fu Lee when Lee left a senior executive position at Microsoft to join Google and lead a new research group they are starting up in China. One of the depositions made during preparation for the trial was made by Mark Lucovsky, another senior engineer who defected from Microsoft to Google in November 2004.
In the statement, Lucovsky recounted that when he met with Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer to discuss his planned departure, Ballmer asked him to say that it wasn't to Google, but Lucovsky replied that it was. At that point, Ballmer "picked up a chair and threw it across the room hitting a table in his office," then launched into a tirade about Google CEO Eric Schmidt: "F***ing Eric Schmidt is a f***ing pu**y. I'm going to f***ing bury that guy. I have done it before, and I will do it again. I'm going to f***ing kill Google..." After Ballmer calmed down a bit, he tried to persuade Lucovsky to stay at Microsoft, arguing that "Google is not a real company. It's a house of cards."
The cards have gotten awfully expensive, probably all aces. Google stock went over $400 yesterday, a better than four-fold jump from its initial public offering price of $85 just 15 months ago. During the same period, Microsoft stock has been more or less stuck at about $25. It seems that Schmidt is getting buried in more and more money every day. Maybe Ballmer should get a bigger shovel and start digging a lot harder and faster.
- posted by Woofwoof @ 6:25 AM 6 comments
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
Thar she blowsThis is really for my northern readers in Alaska and Canada, but I am so tempted to get two even though the last time I saw snow was on a wide screen television at Best Buy. The big news is that Honda has just released the HSM1590i which is the world's first mid-size hybrid snowblower with electronically controlled switchable operating modes. It features Honda's iGX440 engine, the world’s first single-cylinder general purpose engine to have a new electronic STR governor. The combination of electronic engine-speed control technology and Honda's hybrid technology, and the exchange of data between the snowblower ECU and the engine ECU allows for the regulation travel speed and throttle opening so that engine speed is maintained relative to load conditions. These new technologies have enabled Honda to provide this snowblower with a STi control function for switching between three selectable operating modes — auto mode, power mode, and manual mode — with the simple turn of a dial, allowing users at any level of experience to select the mode that best suits their needs.
Those are impressive specs, but there is more. The redesigned auger housing cover and auger side discs significantly improve performance in deep and crusted snow, enabling the HSM1590i to remove crusted snow in about 30% less time than earlier models in power mode, and achieve top-level snow removal performance among mid-sized snowblowers. Now that's some serious blowing, but if that's still not enough for you, it does come with that extra-cost accessory in the back that can, just possibly, assist.
- posted by Woofwoof @ 10:05 PM 6 comments
Sunday, November 13, 2005
TraitorAt the Weschester Cat Show in New York this week, a memorial service will be dedicated to a dog, attended by over 300 cats. The dog, a Schnauzer-Siberian Husky mix named Ginny, was already awarded Cat of the Year status in 1998 and died this past August at age 17.
In her life, she had a long and brave career finding and rescuing cats from dumb things as they are known to do. She has dug through boxes of broken glass to find an injured cat inside, and thrown herself at construction debris to help bring out cats that are trapped underneath. Until her death, she would go out with her owner, Philip Gonzalez, to find stray cats around the Long Beach, N.Y. area so he could feed them, and in some cases bring them home with Ginny. Gonzalez has written two books, The Dog Who Rescues Cats: The Story of Ginny and a sequel, The Blessing of the Animals: True Stories of Ginny, the Dog Who Rescues Cats. He also established a web site, Ginny Fan Club, to commemorate the dog and solicit donations to provide food and care for injured or lost and homeless cats.
While this is a pretty heartwarming story, it once again proves that we dogs are vastly superior to cats. They are just lame creatures prone to getting into trouble, and too feeble to help themselves. Sheesh, how many times do they have to fall into a well or get stuck up a tree? The only thing good coming out of this is that with Ginny now dead, the Cat of the Year award may go back to a real cat, so we don't have to share in their own shame. And one more thing that the cats are probably too dumb to know yet. Part of the Ginny Fund will go toward spaying and neutering of cats. Annihilating the entire species and improving the animal kingdom. Please donate generously. Muahahaha...
- posted by Woofwoof @ 10:02 AM 3 comments
Saturday, November 12, 2005
It's not all raw fish, part IIYou'll probably recall the story back in May about a sushi shop in Kunming, capital city of Yunnan province in China, that was shut down by the government for "spreading commercial activity with poor culture." The restaurant was serving sushi and other Japanese food arranged on the unclothed bodies of two female university students as they lay on their backs. They called it "feast on a beauty's body." We laughed then, not because there was such a restaurant in the first place, but because it was forced to close. After all, the owner said that the practice was based on ancient Japanese tradition, like the delicate wax-on wax-off technique taught by the highly regarded Mr. Miyagi.
But now we discover that a restaurant offering very similar service has come to Chicago, a place of little tradition and probably no culture at all, so the authorities will not be able to accuse it of "poor culture." Besides, there must be a First Amendment somewhere around here that protects our freedom of expression, even when it involves expressing ourselves by eating raw fish served on top of naked women. The upscale sushi shop, called Kizoku, is on Ontario Street and has been operating pretty low key for a year, but turned up the fanfare recently when they introduced "body sushi."
The meal is presented in a side private lounge at the restaurant and costs $500-700 (it was only 1000 yuan or $120 in China). You are seated among a party of four to six customers around a woman lying in the center of a dinner table wearing only strategically placed clamshells. Dishes are served in a all-you-can-eat buffet style (not all you want to eat), wrapped in bamboo leaves so they don't contact her skin. One model, named Tabitha (why are they all named like that?) recognizes that body sushi is "risque and edgy," but feels that it is just performance art. "I'm all about the theatrical," she says.
You definitely want to hurry and make your reservations. There is already a two-week waiting list. And I'm not making this up: The restaurant manager is considering adding male "servers" soon. Whatever you do, don't touch the geoduck.
- posted by Woofwoof @ 9:30 AM 8 comments
Thursday, November 10, 2005
That hurtsHere is a follow-up to the story of Japan Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi receiving a traditional dagger called a "khanjar" from Yemen President Ali Saleh on Monday.
I thought that Koizumi might accidentally slip the dagger into his pants only as a most remote possibility, but little did I know, he actually did that. The evidence is in the picture to the left. For clumsy leaders, the US has Gerald Ford and George Bush, and Japan has their own Koizumi. I hope he doesn't turn himself into Japan's first female prime minister.
- posted by Woofwoof @ 9:47 PM 4 comments
Tuesday, November 08, 2005
Ah-noldI hate Ah-nold. Arnold Schwarzenegger, that is, our Governor of California. Not because the state is in a mess -- I don't know that things would have been better had we not recalled his predecessor, Gray Davis. But I am upset with Ah-nold because my phone has been ringing non-stop for the last two weeks, and it's all his fault.
You see, we usually have elections every other year, national, state or local, or a combination of them. Two years ago, we had an unprecedented special referendum on Gray Davis, and that was when he was voted out of office and Arnold was voted in. The Terminator must have liked that, so this year, normally a non-election year, he decided to call special elections so we can vote on a bunch of trivial propositions that most certainly could have waited until next year. It's costing the state $70 million, probably a lot more by some other estimates, to have us decide a few earthshaking issues like teacher tenure, senior citizen prescriptiona and regulation of utilities. Yes, yawn. Really. For instance, for the proposition on prescriptions, I am not sure what we are supposed to decide, but the various groups for and against it are named "Californians for Available Prescriptions," "Health Access California" and "Californians against the Wrong Prescription." How are we supposed to vote against any of these groups that have such well-meaning names, except that they are on opposite sides of the issue? Same thing for "The Utility Reform Network" on one side and "Californians for Reliable Electricity" on the other side. It's like having to choose between the Pope and Mother Teresa. How do we?
For the last several weeks, there have been all kinds of groups and people who wanted to let us know exactly how. Every other television commercial features Arnold or John McCain (who looks like he could use a prescription himself), or some teacher, parent, firefighter or policeman telling us Yes on this and No on that. It was awfully confusing. And the phone has been ringing morning, afternoon and evening with pre-recorded messages, often with some guy with a thick Austrian accent who sounds so very much like our Gov'nor. Apparently because it's for political purposes, they are exempt from the do-not-call rule, and they sure know how to take full advantage of this freedom. Yesterday I finally got tired of the interruptions and unplugged the phone for good. At least until the elections are over.
I went to vote today, and I voted No on all the measures he's been pushing, not because of what they stood for, but because I was sick and tired of special elections, and sick and tired of all the silliness. And they'd better read my chad right. Hasta la vista Arnold.
- posted by Woofwoof @ 9:02 PM 3 comments
Monday, November 07, 2005
That ticklesYemen President Ali Abdullah Saleh, left, presents Japanese Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi with a gift, an Arabic dagger called a "khanjar" during an official visit to Tokyo today. The khanjar is normally worn on an embroidered belt or a long strip of cloth fashioned into a holder. The prime minister, apparently not familiar with the custom, is trying to slip it into his pants. Is he thinking that the gift is some type of oversized sexual device?
From this site: "The shape of the blade was not decoration; in curving the blade Arab swordsmiths did decrease the contact area of the blade, but also increased the depth of the blade's cut. Furthermore, by adding a half round ridge to the center of the blade, they gave the blade great strength without adding much weight. The result was a weapon that was very light, very strong and cut deeply." I hope the two countries don't go to war over this incident.
- posted by Woofwoof @ 10:02 PM 3 comments
Sunday, November 06, 2005
That will be $20.02 pleaseAmazon is preparing to launch next year a wholly new way of selling books. The program "Amazon Pages" will allow customers to purchase online access to books in digital increments -- one chapter, one section, or even one page at a time. You could, of course, still buy entire books in digital or printed form as you do today.
Amazon and a few other companies have already been offering electronic books but until now, there was no option to buy only portions of the documents. With this new capability, I suppose one day we will be able to call up a single sentence or phrase, or as they do on Wheel of Fortune, a single vowel per order. It might take a while and cost you a bundle to get through the complete works of Shakespeare, but you know it will be worth it. Just ask any English Literature graduate working at your neighborhood McDonald's.
But it doesn't have to stop at books. What about blogs? I imagine we should charge people for reading blogs too, especially the good, interesting and enlightening blogs (like this one). It doesn't need to be much, just a little something, enough to offer a cup of Starbucks to a sleepy blog writer on a cold Sunday morning. Anyway, that's my two cents. But, you see that nice picture up there? Since it's really worth a thousand words...
- posted by Woofwoof @ 6:39 AM 5 comments
Saturday, November 05, 2005
You slackerThe advertising agency Ad Age recently analyzed the habits of American workers and concluded that one in four visits non-work blog sites (like this one) at work, and spends an average of 40 minutes per day on those blog breaks. Blog diversion has now become a favored mode of goof-off time, and some of the common sites are Wonkette (self proclaimed "Politics for People with Dirty Minds") and Fleshbot ("web magazine about pornography and the sex culture").
According to Blogads, a company that tracks online visits, traffic jumps at 8 a.m. Eastern time, peaks at 5 p.m. Eastern and then slides downward until the US West Coast leaves the office. There is a similar traffic collapse on weekends, and the reason is that given a choice, most people would rather prop their feet up and watch TV at home than reading dumb blogs (like this one). And the trend might get worse. Technorati now tracks nearly 20 million blogs, a number that has doubled every five months for the past three years. Pretty soon, almost everyone will have a blog, and there will be plenty to read and update during the work day.
So what's the solution? For starters, we could all go back to work, but I doubt that will happen. Or we could make blogs more work-oriented so you have a more plausible explanation for spending time here: "Hardware virtualization has been in use for a long time on mainframes, but until recently it has not been practical on most smaller systems, mainly due to performance bottlenecks. During the last 10 years, performance has increased dramatically, and we now have some decent platforms either available or upcoming on which to finally implement virtualization, for example Microsoft Virtual Server 2005, VMWare Workstation, or the open source XEN virtual hardware project."
Or my preferred way: We could install TV at work, so people would watch TV instead of reading silly blogs.
- posted by Woofwoof @ 6:52 AM 5 comments
