If dogs could speak...

Sunday, August 20, 2006

Tag
I've been busy the last few weeks and returned to find that I've been tagged by Raisa the Brazilian Husky. As I understand it, I am supposed to reveal five weird things about me (wow, tough choices), and turn around and tag five new dogs. This blog tag game has been going on for a while, and it appears that every husky in the world who blogs has been tagged at least once, some twice. I don't want to tag them again, so I will give you ten weird things about me, and hope we can call it even. So, here goes...

1. My real, complete name is Doctor His Eminence Sir Woof. People also call me Woofwoof (they think it's cute doublespeak. I think they stutstutter), Bigfoot (to run better in the snow -- in my dreams, that is), Wookie (from Star Wars fame -- we have the same woo), Darwoof (after Charles Darwin since I revised his theory of evolution), Wolfowitzki (after Paul Wolfowitz who was Deputy Secretary of Defense and is now President of the World Bank. The -ki at the end is due to my Siberian heritage), and Wolforamaaaaaaaaa (more aaa's the harder I bite them).

2. I generally disdain water. When it rains, I tiptoe around the puddles, trying not to dirty my big feet. But I dig big holes in the yard, let them fill up with water, and jump in and sit there motionless, hot tub-style, water up to my neck. People freak out when they look out the window and see a dog head lying in the grass. It's usually their first real-life Godfather experience. I tell them some people have rock gardens, and they have dog gardens.

3. Like most huskies, I howl mournful, soulful Siberian songs. But I like to climb to the top of a shed in the backyard and howl at the neighborhood on hot summer nights. No reason to waste such a beautiful singing voice, so I might as well broadcast it to the world. The reflection from the steel roof of the shed helps carry the songs miles and miles. Hey, what do you expect? It's free. Would you rather listen to William Hung instead?

4. Did I mention I climb ladders? Yes I go up ladder steps just like people, well, maybe better than some people. The big feet help. It doesn't matter if the ladders are made of aluminum or fiberglass or wood. I climb them just the same. The view from up there at night is incredible. The neighbors call me the Homeland Security patrol. Not an enemy cat or squirrel will enter these territories without delicious consequences.

5. I usually sleep on my back, big feet up in the air. But when I lay on my belly, I like to cross my front legs, right leg first then left leg on top. If you uncross my legs or try to switch them left first then right, I will cross them back in the right order. Once. The second time I bite (hence the nickname Wolforamaaaaaaaaa).

6. I am not a picky eater. The type of food I like best is called "lots of." For desserts I prefer carrots, and bits of that Chinese spinach called "gailan" that the neighbors throw over (it's leafy and makes my poop green). But my most favorite snacks ever are raccoon (I've caught three -- bake them in the sun for two days until they acquire that beef jerky toughness and smell) and Cheez-It (a Nobel prize for whoever invented this heavenly thing).

7. It's no big secret that I blog. I also read lots of books. To keep me inside the people built a tall fence around the yard but one time I dug a tunnel under it and got out. I went to the city library about five miles away and walked up to the second floor before someone stopped me. They saw the house phone number on my tag and sent me home. I never found the roadkill barbeque recipe book. That's how I got to improvise the raccoon jerky method.

8. I once received a credit card application addressed to Woof Wolfowitzki. No kidding, and no Nigerian bank scam either. They gave me a credit limit of $7800, probably because of my World Bank connection, although I have more raccoon bones than pennies. Of course I didn't bother sending it in. The people have plenty of credit cards already, and they never noticed a little charge here and a little charge there to Big Dog Sled Repair Service, Raccoon Anonymous and HULA (Husky United Liberation Army).

9. The people keep a very large bag of my dog hair in the garage. Maybe they plan to knit it into a blanket for the children of Sudan, or the endangered chickens of PETA. But wait, you want to know weird things about me, not weird things about them (that would fill volumes).

10. I jog. The people jog. At different speeds. When I was a puppy my little feet couldn't keep up with them. They would run ahead of me and look back, shouting encouragement "Come on Wolfie, come on Wolfowitzki!" like mad dorks. It was utterly embarrassing, but it didn't take long until my feet got bigger and I outran them. Now they hang on for dear life at the end of the leash, screaming "Slow down, Bigfooooot!" You should see the look of sheer horror on their faces. Priceless.
- posted by Woofwoof @ 5:42 AM

Comments:

I laughed so hard that the husband gave me a weird look. I like the Wolforamaaaaa story best. But I don't get the Godfather thing. I don't remember that he had a dog.

# posted by

Anonymous : 20 August, 2006 12:47

Funny stuff. Makes me want to get a Sibe again.

# posted by

Anonymous : 20 August, 2006 16:04

Oh, woof. I know that dogs can read. But can they retain??????

# posted by

John : 20 August, 2006 22:20

welcome back to blogland , you are a very interesting dog....i like that LOTS OF kind of food too..but not sure i will try the spinach...and i will only eat a carrot if daddy takes a bite first...you never can trust what these humans try to brain wash us with

# posted by

MJ's doghouse : 21 August, 2006 08:28

That person at my house will buy an occasional prepared dinner at a local supermarket. She will get the carrots because she knows that I love them!

# posted by

Dr. Misha Meepenstein : 24 August, 2006 18:08

Woof we have lots in commons for 2 California Huskies! My best foods is 'lots of' and I sleep the same way you do -- Da momma calls it the dead cockroach pose. I haven't killed a coon -- but we have them here, but I have gotten plenty of other things. You have quailbirds there?? Do they walk into your mouths there?? I jsut had an adventure with a BIG snake!! WOOOWOOOO

# posted by

DustyDoodles : 27 August, 2006 11:02

Hi Woofwoof!
You are the Husky Bloggers Ring featured member of September!!! Visit my blog to pick up the Featured Member seal to display in your blog if you like.
Congratulations!
Your picture will be displayed in our Ring's logo during the next 30 days!
Licks :P
Raisa

# posted by

Unknown : 31 August, 2006 15:28

COOOOL!

I won lotto, inherited money from a foreign prince, and helped some guy get 15 million out of some other country, but I never got a credit card - Thats awesome!

Chuck

# posted by

Charlie - The Big Dog : 03 September, 2006 05:37

Connecticut,
You should get out more often :p Think: horse head. Or google "Godfather horse head."

Woo-man,
Get one that can woo with you.

John,
Certainly they read, write and ret... What were you asking now?

MJ,
Thank you. The spinach is an acquired taste. Didn't like it when I was a puppy, but I love it now. With a bit of vinaigrette dressing please.

Doctor,
Another carrot lover! I am sure you like it for the vitamins A and C.

Lulu,
Thanks for stopping by. I'm happy to have readers who appreciate the unhygienic humor.

Dusty,
How was the snake? I heard snake tastes like chicken. Really.

Raisa,
Thank you for the selection. It is an honor. I will go over and pick up the featured seal after this.

Charlie,
The banks over here just love to give money away. Sorry to hear the news about Steve Irwin. There are not many who know animals like he does.

# posted by

Woofwoof : 04 September, 2006 14:04

I think I remember the dead horse scene now. Gross and scary. Trying to picture a dog head lying in the grass. I think I have to see it to understand.

# posted by

Anonymous : 04 September, 2006 16:28

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