If dogs could speak...

Monday, September 04, 2006

Parade
For reasons that are too complicated to explain here, I was in Washington state last weekend. I like Seattle as I do all of the Northwest, and I love Seattle even more during the summer when the weather is beautiful, and the city is green all over from the drenching rains that keep it wet most of the year. This time I visited not only Seattle but also went to a parade in Federal Way, a 80,000-resident city about 25 miles South of downtown Seattle. This is a smaller, quaint town unfortunately with all the suburban trappings like big-box stores and strip malls, most of them containing a liquor store, a laundromat and a taqueria of some kind.

Normally I try to stay away from all things federal, like the presidential elections or Homeland Security or the IRS. But as I discovered in my research later, the town got its first name some fifty years ago as "Federal Highway 99" due to its proximity to that highway when it was originally built. Over time, residents decided to shorten the name to just "Federal Way." Now "Bob" and "Littletown" are shorter names too, and I am certain that they haven't been taken by any American city, so I don't know why these folks chose something strange like Federal Way instead. But it was true that the town did look and smell a bit like a 1040 tax form. During my visit, I was afraid that at any moment the authorities would pull us over and demand $15,327 or 27% of our income as shown on line 14b, whichever was more.

We were there to watch a parade from the main city park to the Borders bookstore through one of the main town roads (there were only two, one that runs North-South that is the Federal Way, and the other that intersects it and has most of the big shops). The parade was dominated by marching bands from their many high schools and middle schools, preceded by football cheerleaders and players who tossed footballs back and forth -- it's going to be a long season, judging from the number of dropped passes.

The kids were joined by the mayor, a Korean-American who looks like any other mayor, bright tie and big ~~phony~~ friendly smile, more cheerful than the cheerleaders themselves. There were also assorted state senators and assemblymen riding in convertibles surrounded by huge American flags fluttering in the wind (I looked, and fortunately there was no grassy knoll). And they were followed by wannabe state senators and assemblymen who had no flags but plenty of election signs of their own, and busty assistants who tossed candies out to kids and other little people. After them came a Scottish pipe band (men in skirts blowing into big bags) and not one, but two Korean dance groups (mostly women in skirts, but no bags). Maybe they were all relatives of the mayor -- after all, it's really a small town. And finally, insurance company representatives who looked remarkably like the politicians. I guess they share the same goal of taking money from you with as small a deductible as possible.

The best part was the mascots. Naturally the schools had their mascots, but so did the businesses that participated in the parade. The Old Country Buffet restaurant was represented by a large bumble bee that looked like it has been at the buffet line and dipped into the pollen a few times too many. But nothing topped the ridiculousness meter as the two dog mascots that accompanied a float run by Bark Busters, a self-proclaimed animal service that offers "dog obedience training." The idea, I suppose, is to teach people ways to get their dogs to behave: listen to commands, stop digging, and stop communicating. All crazy talk, but funny as hell. The dog pretenders almost tripped over themselves while doing a dog dance, and they greeted the crowds without any food stealing or butt sniffing, clear signs that they have a long way to go before mastering the canine art.

A good time was had by all. It was a brilliant sunny day, almost as warm as California. We got to shake hands with the mayor and get stung by a chubby bee, and the dogs enjoyed the Bark Busters comedy skit and almost mated with their mascots. And we left town just in time, without having to fill out a single tax form.

The Classics
Some things are just too good to not enjoy over and over again. Like a husky song or a Bark Busters show. There are two classic works that will make their reappearances after long absences. The first is "The Far Side" calendar. After Gary Larson stopped publishing his cartoons years ago, his fans could still get their daily fixes of weirdness with a cartoon-a-day calendar. But even that stopped a few years ago around the time our President Bush was elected, perhaps because there was more than enough funny stuff in the news. Well, the nerdy kid and the cavemen and the talking cows are back. For 2007, Larson is publishing an "encore edition" of the calendar, using the proceeds to support wildlife conservation. I saw it on sale already at Costco, and I must say that the demented humor remains intact.

The second encore event is a new edition of the sci-fi classic Blade Runner. Sometimes people ask you, if you were stuck forever on a deserted island, what movie would you want to have with you? For me the answer has always been and will always be: Blade Runner (my runner-up choice would be The Blue Lagoon). Blade Runner came out on DVD in 1992 back when the format was new and the picture was muddy, but because of movie copyrights and artistic disputes, that was about all there was for over 20 years. Until now.

This week a remastered edition will finally be available, unfortunately still the Director's Cut version, but with vastly improved picture quality. Then next year if all goes right, a new super duper ultimate DVD set will come out in time to commemorate the 25th anniversary of the film, possibly with the many versions combined into one set to settle arguments once and for all. It is hard to justify double-dipping now and again next year, but if ever there is a movie that deserves it, this is the one. If Ridley Scott took some broccoli and called it "Blade Runner - The Sequel," I still think you should watch it. So save your money, everyhusky, steal credit cards, run auctions and bank scams, but whatever you have to do, go out and get Blade Runner, and get The Far Side. You are no cat, and you live only once.
- posted by Woofwoof @ 12:45 PM

Comments:

I am so glad you are back, didn't know what to do without my dog story of the week. My family is nowhere as interesting as you. I might get the Far Side, but Blade Runner is not my type of movie.

# posted by

Anonymous : 04 September, 2006 16:21

Hi, Woof-Woof!!

I gotta say congrats for being this month's Husky Bloggers member. I am also glad you're back.
Love your site!

Tierre(TY-ree) from Virginia

# posted by

Anonymous : 06 September, 2006 06:34

Blade Runner. Outstanding! I liked the other movie that came out that summer, The Thing, a wee bit more. More explosions.

# posted by

John : 06 September, 2006 19:37

"Dipped into the pollen"

lol, you are one helluva funny dog, Woof Woof.

# posted by

Anonymous : 09 September, 2006 12:16

Greetings Woofwoof! I saw your pic on Dogs with Blogs and think you are very pretty. I live in California too!
~Woof
Hana

# posted by

Hana : 19 September, 2006 18:22

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

# posted by

Anonymous : 11 May, 2008 18:31

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