Sunday, June 04, 2006
The Failed Power of UmbalaWe have a fairly large cafeteria at work. By cafeteria standards, the food there is not all bad, but once in a while, we need to get out for a bit of authentic Mexican or Korean fare outside. Since the area is dense suburbia, it is not easy to go out for lunch and get back in less than an hour, but we usually come close.
The trick is to bring Dilbert along (names have been modified to protect the innocent). You see, Dilbert is a funny character, but more importantly, he has an amazing, almost psychic ability to change traffic lights to green in our direction. No one knows how he does it, but if we are within sight of an intersection, he would close his eyes and chant "Umbala Kawasaki" and somehow make the lights stay green, or switch from red to green just as we arrive. I have no idea what's behind "umbala," but I think that the Kawasaki part was based on the well known motorcycle commercial "Kawasaki - Let The Good Times Roll."
Dilbert is serious about his enormous power over traffic lights and goes into a deep trance whenever called upon. At one time we thought that he had hidden on him a traffic light changer, the type used by police and ambulance drivers in emergencies, but nobody has found it, and Dilbert does his meditation with his hands open toward the intersection, almost as in prayer. Doubtful as we are, we are glad it works.
Until Friday it always did. We were coming back late as usual, and were about 100 feet away when the light suddenly changed to yellow. Everyone turned and looked at Dilbert accusingly, but he protested that nobody had asked him to chant that time. He was right, of course. We had all assumed that we would make that light easily. But Dilbert missed the next one even when we did ask him to make it green. And another one right after that. By well over 200 feet. Not even close. Dilbert was embarrassed and thoroughly confused, and looked defeated as if Luke Skywalker had just found that his light saber ran out of battery.
At the fourth light, last one before we reached the office, Dilbert was totally focused, and enunciated the words Um-ba-la Ka-wa-sa-ki slowly and repeatedly, his hands alternately closing and opening again like he was trying to flash the traffic light from red to green. We all watched him with concern, in awe of the Master trying with all his might to gather his fading powers. Alice who was driving, slowed the car down as much as she could, to give the light a chance to turn green and let the Master redeem himself. But it wasn't meant to be. We inched up to the line of cars waiting at the light, and had to wait a good minute before the green came on again.
It was truly sad. We patted Dilbert on the back, but he was inconsolable and near tears. We were witnessing the end of an era. The good times were finally rolling to a dead stop. Flat tire and out of gas. I wonder if Dilbert has a son we can invite to lunch next Friday.
- posted by Woofwoof @ 5:59 AM
Comments:
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This story cracks me up. I half feel sorry for Dilbert, and half wonder about his mental state.
# posted by 
: 04 June, 2006 10:04
: 04 June, 2006 10:04
Ah, always a sad thing when the torch of Umbala passes to the next generation of Kawasakians. Bittersweet, really.
Connecticut,
I work with some pretty deranged people.
Anonymous,
We like Dilbert too even though he is weird.
John,
He got his power restored (no pill). I'll write about it another day.
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I work with some pretty deranged people.
Anonymous,
We like Dilbert too even though he is weird.
John,
He got his power restored (no pill). I'll write about it another day.
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