The Weird Race
We are talking about a foot race here, but it might as well be about the people who live in San Francisco. On the third Sunday in May of every year since 1912, they hold a 7.5-mile run called Bay to Breakers. It starts from the Embarcadero business district on the San Francisco Bay side of the city, follows through Golden Gate Park and ends at Ocean Beach on the Pacific shore. The race is not particularly difficult except for a hilly section at the 1/3 point, but otherwise the course is flat and slow through city streets during the first half, and the large park in the second.

But that alone wouldn't be interesting, and would not befit San Francisco. It was founded as a way to help lift the spirits of city residents after the 1906 earthquake, and over the years, they have discovered new ways to celebrate the wackiness of the state and the city, and bring the cuckoos out of their closets and into the streets for at least one day. There is no other race I know for which a plea is broadcast on television a week in advance: No pets, no alcohol, no nudity. And in this city, that is interpreted as an open invitation to come as you are in your birthday suits, and bring dogs, snakes, geckos, parakeets and fish in a bowl that you balance with a turban on your head, and pull along a keg. In other words, the largest, strangest outdoor Halloween party in May.

Among the bizarre events expected annually, you have:

• The running Elvises (this is the younger, non-wheezing version but with same big hair)
• The Floating Tiki Bar (apparently without Jimmy Buffett)
• Bay to Shakers (another cocktail mixer on wheels)
• The Tortilla Toss (thousands of tortillas thrown like frisbees at the joggers)
• Naked girls in a mobile shower (part of the "Bare-to-Breakers" crowd, a group dedicated to complete wardrobe malfunction and living by the "Why Not?" principle)
• and the usual assortment of Dikes on Bikes and other celebrities like The Governator (muscular guy who mumbles in German) and the Assman (to remind you what city you are visiting this week).

But most eye-catching are the centipede teams that consist of 13 connected runners (by rule the last one must wear a stinger of "appropriate size and toxicity," and the group must execute a 360-degree spin called a Lenichi turn in the park without intentionally sticking the stinger into other runners). And let's not forget the "Breakers to Bay" procession of chowderheads who dress up in salmon outfits and run backwards from the finish line through the crowd back to the start, where they get to "spawn" feverishly until they die of exhaustion (don't ask).

The weather forecast calls for a light drizzle today. I think I'll sleep in and mow the lawn afterwards. I meet enough loonies every morning on the way to work, and don't feel a strong desire to run into more of them on a day off, especially if they look like naked Elvises and wear stingers.
- posted by Woofwoof @ 6:05 AM