Sunday, April 09, 2006
The Pillars of RichesSaratoga, California is an affluent town of multi-million dollar homes where live top executives of the Silicon Valley and Asian business moguls who want to keep a second home in the U.S. (By the way, million-dollar homes are just slightly better than middle of the pack here, so they are not even worth mentioning). Like all rich communities that have money left over after paying the politicians and the teachers, and paving roads until they are satin smooth, they have to think of something catchy next, a signature project that says loudly that we are filthy rich and we have cash to burn.
Some places build bridges. Saratoga built stone pillars. On the median of a wide boulevard connecting Saratoga and an adjoining town, Sunnyvale, they decided to erect 13 pillars, part of a $3 million city beautification undertaking. As you enter the city, you first encounter four waist-high, stubby boulders followed by a cluster of nine bigger ones about nine feet tall, perhaps suggesting that you have reached the top of the money pile. This public art work cost $40,000 which is really play money here (90% of that is probably designer fee since the structures appear to be nothing more than Home Depot rocks and mortar).
Now that it's all finished, nobody likes it. In a recent survey, only one in 80 city residents thought it looked okay, an approval rate lower than Bush has been getting this year, and you know that spells big trouble. High school students have their pillar jokes. More serious critics derided the pillars as Stonehenge wannabes, or a creation out of the Flintstones, the subject of ridicule in a town most careful about its prestige and image.
Then there was the matter of bad luck. In a city split 70% "Westerners" and 30% Asian, the Westerners didn't like the fact that there were 13 pillars in total. The Chinese complained about the four smaller rocks at the front, since the number four symbolizes death for them. And feng-shui experts said that the design violated basic harmony principles and because it didn't flow smoothly, did not provide good life energy to the surroundings. And Madame Bousseau the Psychic looked at her crystal ball and proclaimed that the tapering tops of the rocks may attract unwelcome visitors from the ether.
Even the mayor and members of the city council who originally voted in favor of the project, are now unanimously against it. They talked about covering the pillars with latticework and vines, or placing wooden beams across the pillars to soften their appearance, but in the end, voted to spend another $15,000 to simply knock down the entire thing. One councilwoman, Kathleen King, summarized it best, "You can't gild a turd."
I took a quick poll of the many designer dogs favored by the rich in the area, and they also agreed that the rocks should go. In the competition of dog marking, the cute poodles and bison frises always lose to blue-collar big dog invaders from nearby cities, like Siberian Huskies. I hope they replace the pillars with lots of tall trees, or lots of fire hydrants. It's good for the feng-shui.
- posted by Woofwoof @ 6:31 AM
Comments:
<< Home
We have the same thing here. 5% of the city budget goes to public arts, mostly small statues at street intersections and they do look good.
# posted by 
: 09 April, 2006 10:40
: 09 April, 2006 10:40
The only monuments we have here are garbage piles in the city dump.
# posted by : 09 April, 2006 12:03
: 09 April, 2006 12:03
TALL fire hydrants, I hope. The better to put out all the forest fires threatening multi-million dollar homes. Your tax dollars at work.
Oh, sure, make fun of our bridges to nowhere, but Saratoga can build pillars 'o rock.
Saratogahenge? Has a nice ring to it. Lotsa druids there?
Saratogahenge? Has a nice ring to it. Lotsa druids there?
Wow, lots of designer dogs there. You know I could use a good female designer myself, it's Spring after all.
But I ain't allowin' no Bitchin' Freezes dogs back to my place without a plate of bacon and greenies, no matter how high class they say they are.
BTW, we have two monuments in Frostbite Falls -
1. Moose and Squirrel
2. Squirrel and Moose
(unless you count that giant walleye thing outside of ClemBob's Bait, Tackle, Gyros shop. Oh and now that ClemBob got that espresso machine from Walmart, I guess we all better start calling it a cafe too.)
Cal
But I ain't allowin' no Bitchin' Freezes dogs back to my place without a plate of bacon and greenies, no matter how high class they say they are.
BTW, we have two monuments in Frostbite Falls -
1. Moose and Squirrel
2. Squirrel and Moose
(unless you count that giant walleye thing outside of ClemBob's Bait, Tackle, Gyros shop. Oh and now that ClemBob got that espresso machine from Walmart, I guess we all better start calling it a cafe too.)
Cal
Joe,
Wait a minute. Are we neighbors?
Hank,
If that's all they spend my tax money on, I'm all for it. A fire hydrant in front of every home.
John,
Yes, lots of druids and women with Coach bags.
Cal,
I like your place much better. By the way, how does moose taste? I once caught a squirrel and ate it. It tasted... like chicken.
Post a Comment
Wait a minute. Are we neighbors?
Hank,
If that's all they spend my tax money on, I'm all for it. A fire hydrant in front of every home.
John,
Yes, lots of druids and women with Coach bags.
Cal,
I like your place much better. By the way, how does moose taste? I once caught a squirrel and ate it. It tasted... like chicken.
<< Home
