If dogs could speak...

Sunday, March 26, 2006

I Didn't Write This Blog
Most people seem to believe that the web can be a very anonymous place. Unless you choose to reveal your true identity, you can just make up some silly username, and email away, chat, blog and live an imaginary life without anyone knowing the real you or your dirty secrets. If you like to listen to Patsy Cline or Jessica Simpson in your spare time, that's between you and your iPod.

Well that's not true anymore. For example a federal prosecutor named David Lat in Newark, New Jersey (where there is a great need for prosecuting) pretended to be a young, sexy female associate at a law firm and started an irreverent gossip blog called Underneath Their Robes about judges, including Supreme Court judges. That went on for nearly a year until he included too many details that allowed readers to figure him out. He was soon forced to resign. The judges were not pleased (the rumor was correct -- some don't wear pants under the robes), and his blog followers were upset that he wasn't really a sexy female writer.

Then this week in Iwate, Japan, a policeman also had to resign when his blog identity was exposed. Almost three years ago, he went to the police stockroom and took photographs of official-issue handguns, and posted them on his web page. The idea, he said, was to generate more interest and traffic to his blog, because the guns looked so cool. Poor guy, he must be leading a pathetic, boring life, if he has nothing to write about and has to resort to pictures of guns to bring in readers. Why can't he post about his trip to Barnes and Noble or to the ice show like everyone else? But, this is Japan where guns are cool (unlike in the U.S.) He even went to the trouble of blurring parts of the gun pictures, but some nosy person still recognized the source and turned him in. Today he is still boring, but unemployed.

Which leads me to my confession for today. I am really not a dog, not even a guy as some of you apparently think, despite my love of big motors and duct tape. I am actually a female triple-murder convict in Lompoc state prison. I am told that I look a lot like Marilyn Monroe (at least in the front). I do have some back hair, but I am nowhere nearly as cute and fluffy as the picture above would suggest. And I don't have a job, so you can't make me resign. So there.
- posted by Woofwoof @ 5:25 AM

Comments:

What a disappointment. And all this time I thought you were a talking dog.

# posted by

Anonymous : 26 March, 2006 11:32

You do have sexy legs though.

# posted by

Anonymous : 26 March, 2006 12:06

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

# posted by

HanktheDog : 26 March, 2006 15:58

Okay, okay, I can take a hint. I'm actually Patsy Cline.

Would you believe Jessica Simpson?

Drat. Nope, just a guy in Alaska who has no interest in what's under David Souter's robe.

Ewww.

By the way, I have the ultimate ice show picture for you. Wednesday or Saturday, probably.

# posted by

John : 26 March, 2006 19:34

i just gave up on trying to remain anon... now i give it all out... away... wait i meant something else

# posted by

Matt Shields : 27 March, 2006 22:20

Actually, I am the daughter of Rita Hayworth... I don't know how you have not noticed that before... Don't you think I look like her?
Liks,
Raisa Hayworth

# posted by

Unknown : 28 March, 2006 16:26

I give, I give. I'm not really a collie. I'm a Saint Bernard that had his nose lengthened. That was after the sex changes in my past lives, 'cause I was actually cast to be Lassie in 1944 but blew my coat as a female and took testosterone injections for a year which turned me into "Laddie" but I was then hired as Lassie and had to change my name back.

Okay, that's not true - I'm really Paul McCartney okay? so just let it be and don't bring me down.

Okay, I can't take the lies anymore, I really am a dog who thinks that when he barks into this box, an invention called the bark-to-typolator translates barks into words and voila.

Okay, what a bowl of tripe that was, I'm really Grover the muppet. Cute, loveable, adorable little Grover . . .

Hey, who stole my giant greenie I was saving. Rats I gave it away, I really am a dog . . .

# posted by

Unknown : 01 April, 2006 00:01

Connecticut,
Not a talking dog. A blogging dog. Pay attention :)

Alan,
Why thank you. Would you like to shave them?

Comment deleted,
Now you make me wonder. Was it dirty?

John,
Not David Souter. But I'd hump Sandra Day O'Connor's leg any day. Heck, I'd even do table and chair legs.

Salty,
You can't be anonymous. Google knows you.

Raisa,
But of course. The sexy glamorous look. That has to be you.

Cal,
You confused me. I was sure you were a green frog with big webbed feet and little wings.

# posted by

Woofwoof : 01 April, 2006 10:44

David Lat was not "forced to resign." He was asked to take down his blog, which he did, and things went back to business as usual in the office.

Lat remained in the U.S. Attorney's office for months after his identity was revealed. He left the office when he was offered the editorship of Wonkette, the widely read politics blog.

Lat left Wonkette to start AboveTheLaw.com, which is like a Wonkette for the legal world.

(This has all been covered in various mainstream media publications.)

# posted by

Anonymous : 21 July, 2007 09:09

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