Saturday, July 09, 2005
Joining the crowd
In all of my years living in California, I had not until recently been a member of Costco or set foot in Ikea. Friends who considered those things to be both a birthright and a sacred duty have threatened to revoke my California citizenship. It's not that I am rabidly anti-Walmart or against big stores in general -- I shop at Best Buy and Home Depot, but I've never felt the need to buy pickles in 2-gallon jars, or the urge to bring home half a dead cow and put it in the freezer. But, that all changed in the last few weeks, so buckle up and go with me on the magical tour.
First came Ikea. I was in Seattle visiting family late last month, and they said we had to go to Ikea to buy things for back-to-school. My digital watch showed positively June, but I decided to be wise and not ask. Besides, I was secretly excited about going to see for myself what the big deal there was about this exotic furniture, especially since it was hand-built by equally exotic Swedish people. Well, on that last count alone I was disappointed. Most of the merchandise turned out to be machine-made in China or Vietnam, which I believe are about as far from Sweden as from the US. And their women certainly don't look the same. The meatballs and the pickled herring were authentic, although I had to admit, the Ikea pickled food looked even more unappetizing than the Walmart pickles. I left empty-handed, no dish rack, no folding table and no hip lampshade for me. The kids had their arms full and said they had to come back the next day for more.
Now for the other half of the story. I received unsolicited in the mail an invitation to a membership at Costco, complete with a $10 discount. I thought about it for a while and concluded that for $10, I would sell my soul and join the Dark Side. Perhaps it was because this store was new, but it was just like a zoo -- the membership lines stretched all of the way out to the front entrance, and the occupants were large. Inside, I understood why. They had all kinds of junk food imaginable and unimaginable, in supersized portions, and they were giving out samples. Going from aisle to aisle, I must have eaten a quarter of a turkey, two cups of chocolate ice cream and an Austrian cookie (I had no idea why Austrian, maybe it was because of the Governor.)
And round and round I went, marveling at it all but not knowing what to buy -- what could I possibly do with all this stuff? But after what I ate, I felt obligated to buy something. So I walked out with a bag of salmon burgers (delicious, wild Alaska salmon), a large box of blueberries (sweet, harvested in Oregon), another large box of kiwi fruits (imported from Chile, and as people say, never seen them that big before), and a whole rotisserie chicken (plump, juicy, how could I pass it up at only $4.99?)
Roasted chicken at Costco. Click on picture to supersize
As I stood in the cashier line, I felt my transformation nearly complete. I was now a glutton, materialistic, full fledged oppressor of the little people, muahahahaaaa, damn the mom-and-pop stores. Then the cashier rang me up, looked again at my 4 things on the conveyor belt and the total of under $24, and asked incredulously: "Sir, is that really it? Nobody buys that little."
Maybe he was kidding, or maybe not. Somebody must have forgotten to tell me the secret handshake, that you had to spend at least $200 each time at Costco. I apologized and slowly pushed my cart out, almost empty. Come to think of it, their camera was down that day and they said I had to come back to get my picture ID card. They probably won't let me in this time.
- posted by Woofwoof @ 5:22 AM
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We joined "Sams" a few years ago. Always spent $200. Never (in the end) ended up saving much. We got home with (I kid you not) a 2 gallon jug of Frank's RedHot (hot sauce). Not sure why. We'd used a little, then The Boy knocked it over. Onto the light gray carpet. That was actually painful to clean up.
Very funny, and very true. The initial excitement wears out quickly, after your house is full of 5-gallon tubs and 12-packs of everything. And you feel guilty throwing it all away, so you just use more, eat more, waste more than you ever need. Welcome to our secret, dirty world.
# posted by 
: 10 July, 2005 15:06
: 10 July, 2005 15:06
I joined Costco many years ago, then decided to quit for a year, then had to re-sign up. They lure you back with such cheap stuff, but it's irresistible. Evil.
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# posted by : 24 September, 2005 12:58
: 24 September, 2005 12:58<< Home
